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Stuck in the Loop: Why Support Groups Can Keep You Lonely
We aren't built to be alone, so when we are, the instinct is to find other people and say so out loud. There's something almost funny about it: the thing we want most when we're lonely is to not be alone in feeling lonely.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
2 days ago4 min read
All You Really Need Is a Ghost, a Glue, and a Goldfish
Instead of collecting friendships like stamps, it's worth asking what you're actually bringing. Where you're great. Where you're quietly dropping the ball. Where you might need more than you're letting on.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Oct 85 min read
Long-Distance Friendship Is a Thing and Nobody Talks About It
There's an entire genre for long-distance love. Advice columns, TikToks of couples counting down to airport reunions, friends debriefing me for an hour on how it's going with the boyfriend in another city. There is nothing like that for friends. Which is strange, because the same distance does the same damage, and it's happening to far more of us. The American Friendship Project found in 2024 that friends who live somewhere else are now about as common as friends who live nea
Mahika Hari
Oct 13 min read
The Psychology Behind Spilling the Tea (Why Do We Gossip?)
Formally, gossip is "the exchange of information about characteristics and behaviours of an absent person." Casually: talking about people when they're not in the room.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Sep 243 min read
Never Letting Anyone In Has Its Cost
Being comfortable alone is a skill worth having. Cutting yourself off from people entirely is something else, and it comes for you eventually. We're not built to run solo.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Sep 173 min read
The Quiet Power of Female Friendship
There's something about female friendship I've never been able to explain properly.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Sep 102 min read
Friendship Is Changing and So Should We
We're in a moment of trying to figure friendship out. What makes a good friend, what makes a bad one, how many you're supposed to have, how much effort is the right amount of effort.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Sep 33 min read
Friendship is a skill. We're losing it (and connection).
Connection is a skill, meaning it gets rusty when you stop using it.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Aug 273 min read
What's the real glue behind friendships?
Ask someone what comes to mind about their closest friend and they won't list personality traits. They'll go straight to the memories. Maybe what friends really have in common isn't what they like or want — it's what they've lived through side by side.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Aug 203 min read
The psychology of holding on to "bad" friendships
Valuing friendship doesn't mean accepting whatever's on offer. It doesn't mean letting a relationship take up space in your life while it quietly costs you something.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Aug 144 min read
Using technology to connect, not to replace
A tool built to close distance is somehow producing it. So do we delete everything? Declare the group chat the enemy of real friendship?
Mahika Hari
Aug 74 min read
Summer Isn't Always Sunshine
Why do we feel lonely during the one season we're supposed to be having the time of our lives?
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jul 314 min read
The Village Debate
On one side, people remind us how good community is for us, how much we need each other. On the other, people push back, and honestly, some of their points are fair.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jul 173 min read
Friendship Is a Habit
Friendships take effort, time, a little bit of remembering. To have a village, you have to be a villager.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jul 103 min read
Is it bad to keep score in a friendship?
Is it wrong to want your friends to give back as much as you do?
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jul 44 min read
Being alone isn't the problem. Loneliness is.
Is being alone the same thing as being lonely? I've been sitting with this question for a while, mostly because my feed won't let it go. Over the past few months there's been this wave of posts about learning to be alone, spending real time with yourself, people showing off the things they genuinely love doing solo. A long walk. Eating out by yourself. A whole night in bed with a book. And honestly, it's kind of lovely to watch. It also made something click for me: being alon
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jun 265 min read
It’s Not Just You. Transitions to Adulthood are Hard on Friendships
Transitions like graduation bring huge changes to our professional and personal lives, especially since they can pose a threat to the longevity of our friendships and ultimately our social health.
Valentina Flores-Velasquez
Jun 197 min read
Mourning life after graduation
Why leaving college feels like grief — and the behavioral science of how to pre-build adult friendships before graduation. Plus the NovaZoom proof of concept.
Mahika Hari
May 115 min read
The Psychology of Always Being the Planner: Why the Person Holding the Group Chat Together Is Quietly Burning Out, and How to Re-Centr Yourself
I’ve been the planner for as long as I’ve had friends. The Google Calendar invite. The reservation. The “okay so I was thinking we do drinks at 7, dinner at 8” follow-up text. The post-mortem the next day where I quietly tally who showed up, who ghosted, and whether anyone actually had a good time. If I’m being honest, the work of planning is not the heavy part. The heavy part is the 48 hours leading up to it, when I’m walking around with this low-grade dread that nobody will
Mahika Hari
May 44 min read
Selfish Friends: Why Some People Take More Than They Give and How to Re-Centr Yourself
The word "selfish" feels heavy. Most of us don't want to label someone we love as selfish. So instead we absorb it. We justify it. We tell ourselves we're being too sensitive. But there's real psychology behind why these dynamics are so draining.
Mahika Hari
Apr 224 min read
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